When God Uses Motherhood As Training Ground

For years, I wrestled with living out God’s calling in my life and being a mother. The daily demands of motherhood had pushed His calling for me into the back seat. The calling or dream has halted to a pause. Or so I thought.

Only now do I realise that motherhood has been His intensive training ground for the calling on my life. It has been a hidden and safe place where I could fail and pick myself up again without the world watching.

For starters, I wrote a lot more because it became my way to decompress, to have some me‑time, and to reconnect with the part of me that isn’t only a mother. Those writing had helped to sharpen my writing and trained me to organise my thoughts.

Physically, I moved a lot more and looked at the computer less. I think that helps a fair bit in my health.

And I was trained in my managerial and leadership skills because of motherhood. I learned to be a manager and honed my planning, scheduling and logistical skills. I learned to be a servant leader, with practical moments such as when I had to lead by example and give out instructions or discipline in a gentle manner.

Then there’s the inner healing part. People often say marriage brings out the issues hidden inside us. I think motherhood goes even deeper. It exposes the layers we didn’t know existed, the wounds that still need healing, the fears we’ve buried. After being exposed, of course God worked on them with me.

Perfectionism is one thing I had to work on. I tried to become a mother who never fails or traumatised her kids, in other words, a perfect mother. Ironically, the harder I tried, the worse I became. Perfectionism squeezed out the compassion and grace I needed for myself, and therefore for my child. The more I chased the ideal mother, the closer I came to burnout.

This mother’s day, I was on the edge of exhaustion. I just want to run away and quit being a mother. I know of a relative’s wife who walked away from her family, and the dad became a single dad. I judged her when I was younger, now I empathise. I wondered if there were other online stories about mothers who ran away and what happened and googled. I came across this article on time.com that mentioned, “What’s surprising isn’t that so many mothers fantasize about running away. Maybe what’s surprising is that they don’t actually do it.”

Maybe because most mothers with mothers instinct know that the consequences of leaving the family run deeper than leaving a company job. We’re replaceable at work, but not at home. Blood runs deep, and so any connection or the lack of it can trickle down generations through DNA. 

So to all the mothers who stayed, through exhaustion, disappointment, self‑doubt, and days when you felt like disappearing, Blessed Mother’s Day. You are seen. You are brave. You are doing holy work. 💐

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