His Will or My Will in Those Choices?

As I began this new year, I had resolved to slow down and lighten my to-do list. However, things spiralled out of control, and I became overwhelmed with my schedule and felt I had no breathing space. So, I came up with three ways to lighten my load and improve my well-being. I had to make tough choices with each of these ways. I prayed hard over the options. But for all three times, I wavered in confusion when I was about to make that final choice. I had no peace.

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.

James 3:16-17 (NKJV)

Thus, when I came across these verses in the book of James during quiet time, I felt perhaps I was self-seeking in making those choices. But I have always been making my life difficult for myself, and now I am just trying to make it less difficult. Or could it be because I had no faith that God would provide for us and see us through, and hence I wavered? There was no clear yes or no answer, so I decided the next best thing to do was to wait it out.

However, my soul got more tired with each passing day. I need help soon, Lord.

And in an epiphany or gentle rebuke, I saw where I was praying “wrongly”. I thought I was seeking God’s will through my prayers. However, the truth was, I had come up with the options and crossroads myself and asked God which of MY options was the best and the one that He would bless. I have been taking things into my own hands.

So instead of asking Him to bless my will, I started to seek His will in those matters weighing on my heart. I lift my schedule to God and trust Him to plan and schedule it for me. I gave him my heavy yoke and asked for His light yoke and creative solutions. I pray for the wisdom from above.

Are you also at a crossroads, making tough choices? Cast all your worries and yoke upon God, and trust His ways. I pray you will have the wisdom from above as well.

Just a sidenote: Singapore General Election is coming soon, and I pray that voters will submit under the authority of Christ to vote wisely. May the citizens have a perspective wider than a personal one, and the wisdom from above to make that vote. Not thy will but His will be voted.

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